New Implant, New Life
by WriterMistress
Summary: Moved from street smarts to biotic schooling, will her new implant make any difference to Sheperd's odd abilities? A follow up from "Born To Be Biotic"
1. Part 1

_Codex Entry: Personal History..._

_...Eager to find a better life, Shepard joined the Alliance military when she came of age._

Considering that Jump Zero had been shut down three years earlier, Shepard had to find help in training her biotic powers elsewhere. The Alliance had fortunately swallowed their pride and gained some alien assistance in teaching new biotics.

The Alliance Academy had a link with the training of biotics so that they could learn and train simultaneously. It wasn't enlisting that worried Shepard but the fact that they were going to give her an implant developed a year earlier. The L3. She had asked her escorts about it as she was walked to the medical centre but their explanations were vague.

Apparently the doctors and scientists had to work together to manipulate an L3 implant so it would work for Shepard in a way it wouldn't for any other biotic. Instead of just helping her create mass effect fields since she could already do that with enough concentration, it would help her rein in her emotions to a point where control would be less of a struggle. She found it difficult to understand at first so as the doctor laid her down on her front on the operating table he explained.

"The L2's design was seriously flawed, though they give a biotic the possibility for their abilities to rival that of an asari they caused serious mental damage.

"Not all of them"

His tone was sad "unfortunately all L2's have issues though they greatly vary; some may go insane whilst others deal with migraines. Some L2's wanted to swap to an L3 and some have but it isn't without risk."

Shepard was quiet as she thought. The doctor answered her silence. "it has the possibility of seriously mentally damaging them, though it doesn't always happen and there are lucky ones who come out unscathed, there are many who...break." there was a longer silence filled only with his tinkering of her implant. "My original point was that compared to an L2 design and L3 is relatively weak but safe to use. We needed special permission to begin retrofitting yours. It's a prototype but we are certain it is safe, it will allow you to keep your level of ability which apparently can spike high enough to match an asari matriarch." He didn't do well in keeping the utter amazement from his voice.

There was a sharp stinging pain that made Shepard flinch when he dug too deeply with the scalpel. "we have also accommodated it to your emotional turmoil, so to speak." The doctor felt her tense up in the seat and chose his words more carefully.

"What I don't understand, is why I need it in the first place."

"I was just getting to that."

"And not being too subtle or polite about it either" murmured another surgeon wiping some of Shepard's blood away from the area of operation. The other doctor frowned up at her before continuing.

"With your emotions like wildfire, as is natural for someone your age but unnatural in the way that no others have had unrestrained biotic ability at the same time, this implant will help you reign in control of your biotics. For example they will not flare up at a sudden moment of anger, the implant will hold them back." There was something in his voice that made Shepard wonder if that was the entire truth or not but another few sharp and sudden twinges of pain shook away the thought.

"What can I expect from the others?" it was the other doctor, the surgeon who replied this time.

"Most have been through difficult times at BAaT, some have left to lead their own lives, some others returned home. Those you see here are ones who want to continue training, to do something with their gift that will help humanity."

The way she called biotics a 'gift' made Shepard squirm a little. It was a nice thought but a non-biotic couldn't hope to understand. Even the scientists who looked directly into it and studied it would never get close to guessing what it was like to have the power to crush things with your mind alone, to be outcast from humanity, to be afraid of who you are.

Shepard was deep in thought for a long time as they worked; she had never been able to easily control her emotions before. Mire had done his best with her but it had not been enough. She sighed mentally, _Mire_…

The operation was over within a few hours. The drugs had prevented great amounts of pain but as feeling began to come back, there was only the dull ache where the L3 implant had been added at the base of her skull. Now all she had to do was prove to the Alliance, and herself, that she could control her powers by joining and passing her tests with the other biotics.

All were in their teens but varied in age and background. Many still had family; few of those families wanted nothing more to do with them. Like her, society had cast them out, frightened of what they could do; old superstition mainly. The majority of them were survivors from Jump Zero. They had come to the Alliance Military base to train whereas others, as the doctor said, had left for another life or returned home. This base only held around twenty of them including Shepard.

All biotics, mainly L2's and some L3's, stared at her as she entered. No doubt word had gotten around about the freakish kid without the need for implants. It made her nervous at best. No doubt she'd find it difficult in the following year to make friends; she wasn't that kind of person. She had only ever bonded with Mire and Rose. She pushed the memories away as they began to burn in her eyes.

She made herself a promise as they were guided to their first training session by two mentors. A promise that she would never show off; after all she had years of experience on the others and had only just gotten her implant and basic amp.

One of their tutors was an Asari Matriarch who had leant the Alliance a hand, despite their distrust of aliens, and a man who looked indifferent. Eventually they were sat in a circle with various objects placed in the centre. A glass of water, a couple of eggs, a baseball and a sandbag being a few.

The Asari started first.

"Biotic ability varies like any other skill; some of you will be able to do things another may not be able to. This does not make you better, only specialised. Implants may have impact as well, those with L2 implants will need careful training so as not to inadvertently injure yourselves, and L3s may be less able of the biotics. Know this as you train: you rely only on yourself and blame only yourself when things go right or wrong."

The human skirted round until he stood behind the teens opposite Shepard.

Then the human spoke, his voice very low, like a growl yet calming. "Though biotics are not telepathic as some believe, you have a better sense for other biotics. We will be practicing a few exercises today and evaluate you all as individuals. Please accept that some are not as attuned to their nervous system as others no doubt are." He eyed Shepard and she clenched her fists in her lap. He averted his eyes and continued. "I want all of you to now face outwards with your backs to the centre of the circle and when I call your name I want you to try to mentally touch one other person in the circle. When your chosen person is sure they can feel you they will raise their hand."

A guy around the age of eighteen raised his hand. His blonde hair fell about his face, his brown eyes piercing. "Sir, I'm sure none of us follow what you mean by 'touch' can you explain a little more?" the human frowned at him but it was the Asari who answered.

"When a biotic wishes to feel another they first have to open their own minds to that person. It will be difficult so do not worry if you do not succeed the first time." She smiled kindly at the young faces around her. She looked over at the human mentor and nodded.

"We shall begin now".

And so it was that a name was called and the exercise attempted, only three out of the first ten had managed to get a 'feel' on anything. Shepard was grateful that she wasn't among the first to be called and also was never a target for the other biotics, the successful ones anyway.

Then her name was called.

She felt like a brick had been dropped into her stomach. She swallowed and closed her eyes to concentrate, unsure of who to call on. She could sense all of the biotics in the room but was not truly 'feeling' them as she should. She let herself breathe and lowered the conscious barriers around her mind, hoping that at least one person would 'feel' her as she opened her mind as wide as she could which was incredibly difficult if one understands how the human mind works. A human mind, especially a strong willed one like Shepard's, is as hard to reveal as opening a clamshell that's been welded shut. It is natural for a human to protect their minds from invasion and so they are mentally stronger than many other species as a result.

The exercise itself felt so peaceful to Shepard. The opening of her mind had been the biggest step but when it was open she could feel all the light of many minds around her. She felt their emotions fill her and strengthen her the longer she touched them. Almost losing herself in the calmness of it, a few startled voices brought her back. "Well, that was unexpected" said the human tutor as he gazed around at the circle. All hands in the circle were up in the air. Shepard cringed as she looked round.

The asari's expression was one of curiosity as her eyes locked on Shepard's. "Who were you trying to touch?"

Shepard sighed and told the truth. "I don't know anyone here, so I wasn't able to decide. I just hoped that if I opened my mind wide enough that at least one person may feel me."

"So you tried to cheat?" said the human.

"Sort of" she admitted. "I just don't get how I'm supposed to link with someone I don't know". The Asari was impressed but concealed it in her curious expression.

"We shall continue". Shepard now tried to pull back at the barriers in her mind, blocking any entrance. It felt like an umbrella had opened over her mind. It was instantaneous compared to the process of removing the barriers. At the time she didn't care if she was making someone fail but instead she just wanted peace. She shut out all the light that had filled her and felt only cold and dark afterwards. With the barriers raised she realised it hurt to be alone. She missed Mire and wanted nothing more than his voice or comforting arms around her.

Glad that that exercise was over they were asked to turn towards the centre of the circle. Eyes were still on her but she kept her gaze low, determined only to be confident when she needed to be. The Asari was watching her with great interest. A human who could touch the minds of so many without breaking, it was incredibly strange. She must have exceptionally strong willpower to be able to open her mind that wide, never mind to be able to touch so many others. Her human companion had the suspicion that some of the students were faking their admittance to her 'touch' but he was not a biotic. He had not felt the pulse of power that had come off of her as she reached out to everyone.

As she gave the next explanation of the exercise to be tried, she passed a single word to each omnitool of the students. Each had an individual item they were to lift. Since everyone was to try at the same time it would hopefully make it less disconcerting to the least able of the group if they failed. The Matriarch made sure to give Shepard the hardest one; to truly test her ability. Both tutors would know what item was given to which student and would note their success.

Shepard hid her grimace and barely managed withholding the groan of irritation. Her eyes went up to the Matriarch as she finished sending the items assigned to each student. She swear she saw her wink before standing with her hands clasped behind her back waiting for the exercise to begin. The human said they could start and so everyone began trying to lift the object they were assigned to.

Shepard held back for a moment watching the others, a girl of about fifteen dropped one of the eggs she was attempting to lift and the second quivered in the air not a foot from the floor. Some objects remained motionless whilst a few of the more able students lifted with no trouble at all.

Shepard sighed and began. She focussed on the metre long sandbag and felt her biotics kick into action. Her aura flared violet like so many around her but none were as calm as she was. She was not doing this to show off her abilities but to prove to herself that she had the ability to restrain herself. The sandbag was heavy but not too much trouble as she lifted it into the air and held it around five feet off the ground before going to lower it again.

Suddenly all the lights went out and the only light she could see by was her own and a few others glowing auras. Surely this was part of the test as the tutors said nothing. When the lights had gone out a few students had squeaked in alarm and either stopped their attempts or dropped whatever they were holding.

Only three had remained calm enough to keep a hold on what they were lifting. The eighteen year old guy who'd questioned instructions earlier was one of them, as was a girl of about sixteen with long brown hair and serene blue eyes. Shepard was the third but was impressed with the others as they had not quivered when the sudden change had come but stayed focused. She was unable to shield her feelings as they shone through her face.

Their two pairs of eyes moved from their item and looked at her in surprise. She nodded at them before lowering the sandbag from its high point in the air.

Their next trial was one of battle ability. They were physically tested on talents they would need in open fire situations. Only six of the original twenty had the physical ability to carry on. The others would require more training.

The brown haired girl and the blonde haired boy were amongst them. There were to be three rounds. Each round would study and use a different class of biotics. The first was Telekinesis which Shepard was one of the best at. The asari's eyes never seemed to leave her.

"We will begin with telekinesis, can anyone tell me what kind of enemies this general class is effective against?" the male tutor stood behind them as they stood in a line, side by side. They had been moved to another room. A training room with a fair amount of space and heavy equipment lying in front of them. Targets were set up at the far end of the room, some in groups, others on their own, some hard to see, others obvious.

No one spoke up. Shepard knew the answer but didn't want to draw more attention to herself. The asari seemed to have it in for her however and stood close to her. "Shepard" she said, "any ideas?" she hesitated her mouth opening and closing before she closed her eyes and spoke plainly.

"Telekinetic abilities work best with un-armoured opponents." The man seemed to grow more impatient with the asari and her identifiable favouritism of the oddball of the group. Though the Matriarch nodded and went to move to another human trainee, the man had a plan to put her in her place, both of them.

"Alright Shepard, give us an example". Shepard's eyes snapped open and stared at him when he gestured to the false battle field in front of her. Shepard watched as a smirk lifted his lips. He didn't believe she could do it. To him, her file was just an overstatement.

Finally, determined she nodded once. "Fine". Shepard scoured the field for a simple target, there was one dummy stood in the centre of the room looking as though he was lost. Shepard went to lift a metal crate in front of her when something told her to look for a different target. He was too easy, a distraction.

Looking around she spotted a bent down dummy barely peeking out from the side of a shelter, the more dangerous target. She lifted a smaller crate and by spinning in a slight arc she forced the box to do the same, arcing through the air and coming back down to slam into the target from behind, sending it flying forwards into the open. Shepard then took the larger crate and lifted it above the target before dropping it.

Dead, in theory.

Shepard could feel the tiredness taking effect but she wouldn't crack in front of the rest of them. "Well I think that was a well chosen target, don't you Gray?" only the asari's eyes showed the pride she felt at that moment. This human knew how a battlefield worked, that the obvious target was not necessarily the best.

The tutor said nothing only scowled before ordering the others to try several basic techniques as Shepard had. It lasted only five minutes. Shepard could see the others were tiring but she was unsure whether they would be able to deal with it as she had.

The next test was one of Shepard's weaker abilities, last time she'd tried it her shoulder had been shattered. "Kinetic Fields" said the asari pacing around them as they topped up on energy drinks to keep them going. "Would someone, other than Shepard, care to explain the uses of this class?" Shepard silently thanked the asari for her consideration.

The youngest of them, a sixteen year old boy with black hair and blue eyes stammered before speaking. "The ability to raise mass effect fields to immobilise objects or enemies", the human tutor, Gray gave him a small smile and asked him to demonstrate. Without warning the tutor threw a metal ball the size of an orange at him. The boy was startled and barely managed to halt its progress with a stasis. It stopped inches from his face.

Shepard frowned at Gray, he was a hard teacher and if nothing else, he was a bully. The rest were asked to stop incoming projectiles being hurled by another teen. They paired up and Shepard managed to get partnered with the blonde haired boy. He had a kind face, though tired; he was up for some fun. He threw objects first while Shepard struggled to maintain a kinetic barrier strong enough to deflect smaller objects and a stasis field to halt the larger things.

It was not one of Shepard's better talents. She was struck at least six or seven times, painfully with the smaller objects and the larger ones she only managed to slow and dodge them. Shepard's temper began to rise when she spotted Gray smirking at her, he had found her weakness. Though it was not as dramatic as before, her biotics seemed to answer her angry call with a fiery flare. The boy sent another large object at her and it took all of Shepard's concentration to deflect it. She threw up a barrier with such suddenness; the crate ricocheted into the way of the other pairs almost ploughing the shortest girl into the back wall had she not thrown herself down quick enough.

Shepard scolded herself; there was no need for that amount of strength in a barrier unless a rocket was being fired at her. It made her tired but she carried on regardless and got slightly carried away when it was her turn to hurl stuff at her partner. He was lucky he was quite talented at barriers and stasis. He fully halted every crate and his kinetic barrier was strong enough to hold off the smaller objects. At this point Shepard was sure she nearly snapped. The smug look on Gray's face made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. She felt the need to cause pain, the need she'd thought she'd abandoned.

With one last biotic pulse strong enough to crush a rhino to death Shepard propelled the majority of her power into the push. The crate she had lifted shot like a rocket towards the boy. He dropped like a sack of potatoes as it skimmed his head and slammed into the back wall. There it was embedded at least two feet deep into the wall. At that moment she made sure Gray understood her meaning, the look of hatred in her violet eyes bored into him and made him shudder slightly.

Shepard's weariness made her lean on a nearby metal crate from which she gained a nasty electric shock as her remaining pent up energy was discharged.

There was a heavy silence after that. After a few minutes of no one moving or speaking the asari suggested it would be best to move on to the third and last class of biotics. Spatial Distortion was difficult to master for many biotics but a very useful tactic when one was posed with heavily shielded and armoured opponents as the brown haired girl pointed out when she was asked.

This seemed to be her specialty when Shepard watched her in action. They were to rip the shields down on the targets assigned to them and then dispatch them in the best possible way. Shepard watched her as she danced like an asari ripping shields and armour apart with ease. She wasn't as talented in dispatching the opponent though; her main attack was Reave which worked to slow to be effective so Shepard decided to team up with her.

When she ripped the shields and barriers of the targets in front of them Shepard finished with a throw sending them flying into walls or other useless targets. When they finished all six were exhausted.

A couple had trouble standing but Shepard was used to drawing out as much energy from herself as possible before she collapsed. She smiled at the girl and boy she'd partnered up with during the session and walked out silently when they were dismissed.

Later when they were sent to their dorms the guy and girl had stopped to speak with her. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" she said not wanting to talk about it.

"Plough that damn crate into the wall! I've never seen anyone so powerful" said the girl delightedly. Shepard looked away.

"I've had...a lot of practice. I've been able to use my biotics since I was three." Shepard shrugged looking uncomfortable with the subject.

"Impossible". The guy frowned, obviously thinking she was trying to impress.

Shepard frowned in response. "Believe what you want," she said forcing her way past them; she shouldn't have made an example of herself and cursed her naivety for thinking anyone would respect her. She was the ostracised of the freaks, the banished of the outcasts, she was alone.

The guy called after her as the girl followed. "Why are you here then?" she paused for a moment but did not look back.

She murmured an answer he barely heard. "To restrain myself" she said solemnly. "To prove to myself that I can control what I've failed to in the past."

As hungry as Shepard was she skipped her meal, wanting quiet but disliking solitude. She wanted a partnership, someone to bond with as she had with Mire but she knew no one could possibly take his place. As she lay on her bed in the dormitory besides a mix of both boys and girls she sighed trying to remember his face. Everyone had slowly come to bed, one by one the room was filled but she still felt alone. "I brought you this" said a voice. She looked around to see the blonde guy holding a powerful energy drink out to her. Her eyes alone thanked him as she took it and drank a bit feeling less drained than before.

He lay on his bed that was coincidentally set beside hers and leant on his elbow. "I can't put my finger on it but, you seem like...I don't know" he said studying her with a strange kind of interest. The scar across her face betrayed her harsh beginning but he had sense enough not to delve too deeply. Shepard looked at him blankly, waiting for him to voice his thoughts. "The way you looked after you'd thrown the crate...do you hate your biotics?" he asked quietly.

"No" she answered simply.

"What is it then? I'm pretty good at reading emotions but the reasons behind them are harder, especially for you". Shepard wasn't sure what to say. She needed someone to talk to; he'd done nothing wrong so...

She looked him directly, her eyes flashing "it's hard to explain" she began. "I don't dislike what I can do, biotically. I despise my lack of control."

"Why?" Shepard looked away, she was not used to people being so invasive but at that moment she felt she needed to open up, just a little. "I've done...things...horrible things in the past."

"Like what?"

Shepard rolled over and stared at him fixedly. "I've killed people in fits of uncontrollable anger and destroyed buildings in states of terror. I have no control" he looked scared at her solemnity rather than her actual words. "No one here has killed. You are here to learn how to _use_ your biotics; I am here to learn how to _restrain_ mine." She felt she needed to talk to someone, and since he was willing to listen she just poured everything out, only regretting it later. "I'll never lose control again." He shook her shoulder as she'd turned over again not wanting to face him. After much ceaseless nagging she answered. "I lost control, I'd only intended to throw them back, away from me but instead I...killed them, I killed them all. The building exploded...innocents died...because of me."

"'Them'?"

"Slavers" she barely whispered.

"Then it was self defence, you aren't to be held accountable."

Her following scowl silenced him. "It's my fault that those innocent people are dead, their deaths could have been avoided if I had more self control" She gripped the bed sheets firmly between her fingers feeling the soft material and hoping it would soothe her. "Never again". There was silence and he thankfully asked no more questions. She dropped into a tormented sleep which only lasted a few hours.

Shepard woke to find a niggling feeling in the base of her mind as though someone was constantly poking her. She got up and followed the way it was leading. It was guiding her through the base, she only realised the stupidity of her curiosity when she had been led to the larger training room.

It was already too late to leave as the Asari Matriarch opened the door and stood before her. She spoke to someone behind her. "What's this then, Gray?" Her human tutor appeared at the door beside her and shook his head in astonishment.

"Fine, you train her but if this disrupts the rest of them the deal's off" he snapped and he stormed away.

Shepard looked from his back and returned her gaze to the Matriarch. "Did I miss something?"

She smiled mysteriously and nodded letting her into the training room. "I simply made a bet he couldn't refuse. I said that if you didn't answer my call then he could train the humans alone, and I would leave. Since I won, I get to train you personally."

"Why me?"

"You know why."

"I did not come here to be some specimen for observation." The asari shook her head her smile did not leave her lips.

"You are not a specimen, you need training different than the others. Individual attention can give you that. Your file indicates you have trouble controlling your emotions, if this afternoon was an example."

"They said the implant could deal with that."

She hummed to herself, "it can only do so much. All it will do is let you know the limitation of your emotions; it will not stop them from controlling you and your biotics. That you must do yourself. I will help you but only if you wish it, this path you must choose by yourself."

Shepard had partially felt some of her escaping emotions. "Is this because I'm dangerous?"

"All biotics are potentially dangerous, but you are different in a way I cannot describe." She motioned to the floor. "Sit here, cross your legs and rest your hands palms up on your knees." Shepard looked at her strangely before obeying. "Close your eyes and open your mind to me." Just as Shepard was about to obey the first command and close her eyes, the second made her snap them open.

"Why?"

"You need to learn where your emotions come from, what triggers them. I can only help you if you let me. I will not pry, but you need to trust me." Shepard stayed silent and still did not close her eyes. "I see trust has been betrayed before, here is the start perhaps." She stood behind Shepard and sighed. "All your secrets, all your thoughts, feelings and memories will not leave this room. This room is an extension of your mind." She looked down at her student with pity this time. She was suffering, fighting an internal battle that perhaps even she was blind to. "Please Thorn, let me help you".

Shepard put her head in her hands, so tired. "I can't"

"You can. You must learn to let the past go. Learn from your mistakes and be stronger for it". She sat beside her and let Thorn watch as she closed her eyes and concentrated. She created a ball of swirling biotic energy before her, "I am taking all my emotions, all my pain and locking it inside this sphere." She opened her eyes and she saw that they glowed with biotic power. "When I am sure I have it all. I let it go" her right arm snapped out and the ball flew into the reinforced wall opposite them.

Shepard frowned to herself before doing as the asari had. She opened the floodgate to her fear, her anger and pain. Struggling at first to contain it within the sphere she created. Shepard let all of it pour into the real world, feeling calmness envelope her as it left her mind. She opened her eyes to see the sphere in front of her had small lights and several orbs inside, darting around like insects. With a great amount of concentration she focussed on the opposite wall and directed her arm sharply as the asari had. The orb hesitated before firing itself at her command. It exploded against the wall giving out a pulse that made both of them fall back slightly.

Silence followed. Shepard looked up at her mentor and sighed, pleased. It was gone, the memories were still there but her built up emotions and physical tension was gone. The peace made her body relax and she almost passed out with relief. The asari stood looking down at her. "You will still train with the others to learn biotic tactics effective on the battlefield but with me you will learn self-control and restraint". Shepard looked up at her and thought for a moment before standing up decisively.

"Thank you".

When she was dismissed she made her way back to her dorm to find everyone still asleep. She had the remaining two hours to catch up on sleep. As soon as she lay her head down she was out like a light.

It was a few months before anyone ever noticed the difference in Shepard. Instead of the cold and affronted appearance she'd had when she'd arrived it'd changed. Her eyes were brighter, her disposition had lightened though it was still behind a stiff controlled persona and her attitude to the other biotics had grown to become more tolerant.

Toombs, the blonde haired teen had noticed it first but had only brought it up when Zena, the girl, had mentioned it. The two of them had been watching Shepard and were the only two to speak to her. The others ignored her. "Hey Shepard," he called her over. Thorn looked up from her dinner tray and stared at him only mildly interested. He waved her over, as she saw no real reason to object she moved to sit by them as they ate their double helpings of everything on offer.

As she sat down beside Zena whose eyes almost popped out of her head with interest, Toombs began talking in hushed tones. "What's the secret then, Shepard?" He said curiously. Shepard's expression revealed nothing.

"What?"

"You know" encouraged Zena leaning even further forward. "You've been more relaxed than ever lately".

Shepard shrugged. "I've just become accustomed to being here that's all"

"'Accustomed' my ass" Toombs scoffed. Still Shepard's expression showed no signs of biting the taunt as she once would have. His brown eyes stared into hers and she only blinked once, naturally. "Shepard don't keep us out. You're far too calm and collected now."

"I'm fine Toombs. If that's a problem for you then I'm afraid I can't help you" she then proceeded to ignore him and ate the rest of her dinner. She had told no one of her extra lessons with the Matriarch and never would. She had done as best as she could to keep herself out of the public eye.

The following night cycle she was given her weekly control session. They had practiced different ways to discharge her biotics and control her emotions. Most biotics did not need to discharge as often as she did and when they did it was subtle. Touching metal gave them a sudden static shock sometimes. It was second nature to biotics so they barely noticed a shock after a long practice session.

Shepard did get static shocks but it did not release nearly enough energy as she needed to in order to keep herself controlled. After launching her violent emotions at a wall, she had been taught to meditate. She did this now, her legs knotted as she sat and objects lifted into the air around her as if she was a singularity pulse. Her appearance of being 'cool and collected' as Toombs had put it was just a front to keep her from being noticed. She preferred to be alone with her thoughts, though those, at times, were painful. Behind the mask she was just as stressed out and emotionally dysfunctional as any other teen, biotic or otherwise.

Lifting the objects she felt herself ease into tranquillity when a sudden sliding noise meant the doors were open. She kept her concentration as her mind was too far away to do otherwise. Loud noises were hums to her ears, light was a blink of a single star in a sky of ebony.

The asari moved to intercept Toombs as he entered. "Toombs you are not supposed to be here."

"Then what is she doing here?" he pointed at Shepard's contented expression as she sat on the floor.

The Matriarch stared him down. "It is simple meditation, for her sake she must do it."

He seemed to sigh as realisation hit him. "So that's why she is so controlled."

The asari shook her head. "No, that is a face she puts on to hide herself. Even after all I've done to help her she still doesn't trust anyone. To let anyone get close…" she stopped as she gazed back at her student. She looked darkly at Toombs as he continued to stare at Shepard in a way that spoke of pity. "Leave Toombs and do Thorn a favour. Tell no one of her sessions with me."

Toombs said nothing as he backed out the doors and let them slide shut again. After a few more minutes Shepard lowered the objects to the floor and opened her eyes, coming out of her semi-trance state soon after. Looking up at the asari and at the door she realised what she'd heard was real. Someone had come in and spoken to her, she had heard her name but the rest of the conversation was blurred as she moved away from the distraction. "Who was it?"

The asari looked down at her and smiled, her concentration was great indeed if she could shut out something so completely. She would be a great biotic soldier one day. She took a breath and spoke only one word which parted them. "Toombs".

Shepard moved like lightning shooting out of the room to catch him on the way back to the dorms. She managed but barely. They were standing outside the doors as she slammed him into the wall, her arm pressed against his throat.

The suddenness of her attack paralysed him for a moment. "Why are you spying on me?" It took a while before Toombs could breathe enough for him to push her off him with a strong biotic pulse. It forced her back only a couple of meters and from there she didn't move. She awaited his answer.

"I wasn't spying. I wanted to help you acclimate to this place but was curious when you already had. You're highly strung so I knew something was going on," he sighed gently, "I wanted to help". Shepard pushed back her sudden and uncalled for anger behind barriers. He'd done it because he cared.

Shepard backed down from her threatening stance and sighed. "I just want to make it through something, to achieve something without anything going wrong."

"And separating yourself from the rest of society is going to help with that is it?" Shepard flinched. "I know you're scared. But blocking out the world won't make it go away. You have friends, let yourself go, just once in a while" Shepard looked disarmed. "It's unhealthy the way you create walls around yourself, let someone in and help you". Shepard barely suppressed a shiver. It was like the Matriarch's assessment all over again.

Shepard had no words to say so Toombs let her go with a promise. "I won't tell anyone about your session if you don't want me to".

Both returned to their dorms after that. Shepard much later than Toombs. She just stood staring out of the window at the stars and the dust storms whirling in the distance. He was right of course, she needed to loosen up and experience the universe rather than shut it out. Easier said than done when one has already experienced some of the worst the universe has to offer.


	2. Part 2

After a few more months it was near time for the assessments of all eligible recruits, biotic or otherwise. If Shepard passed she would be a soldier in the Alliance, a marine.

The final trials for the Alliance recruits were held in the main training room. Shepard had passed the main trials for basic battle strategy and tactics, the written exam was short and though nervous she passed. All that remained was the last trial for the biotics that wished to join. Unlike anywhere else, biotics were highly valued in the Alliance.

During the months of training Shepard had barely improved her barriers; it was difficult training for her as it was something that was required to pass. All she needed was to successfully deflect incoming projectiles.

Toombs and Zena had also wished to join the Alliance and the three of them were teamed together along with four other non biotics. The other four biotics were on the other team; they were pitted against each other. Success was not really a variable in the assessment, it was how one dealt with a situation, and how one acted and reacted with their squad.

For some unknown reason Shepard was placed as squad leader for their team, their assigned task was to hack, decode and download information from the main platform in the centre of a maze-like structure constructed within the training room. The other team's job was basically to stop them or even capture them. Shepard was determined not to let that happen.

There was a sound like a gunshot and off they went. Shepard had learned that Toombs had a talent for barriers, Zena had a favouritism of Spatial Distortion techniques, ripping barriers and breaking down armour, another of her team, Jack, had tech specialties so she'd assigned him as the hacker. However the others were just soldiers. Three had assault rifles the other was better with a shotgun. Toombs, Zena and Shepard were only armed with heavy pistols and their biotics. There were no live rounds so it was all relatively safe, though biotics always posed a threat.

Shepard kept Jack at the centre of the team, even if the others were picked off; he needed to get to the platform. Shepard, Toombs and two soldiers were leading whereas Zena and the shotgun soldier were bringing up the rear. They had gotten halfway when they nearly walked right into an ambush.

Shepard pulled Toombs back as a signal to the others to stop but only those behind the first two got the idea. The first two soldiers were taken out within seconds; their kinetic barriers were dropped under heavy fire. Toombs raised a bubble shield around them, deflecting every other clip, saving the rest of them as they hid behind the walls. Shepard looked at Zena and nodded to the wall beside her, the opening in the centre where Toombs was backing up slowly barely resisting the bullets as they continued to punish his shield. "Zena move up, Toombs get behind me and drop the barrier".

He looked at her slightly confused, "do it". He nodded and did as she asked. Zena now sitting beside opposite them took a hesitant look round the corner. She quickly removed her face as a clip shot past it.

"There's a sniper on the second level to the left" she said gripping her gun tightly.

Toombs nudged Shepard. "There are two biotics with them. Sally and Darren" when they heard Zena curse they knew it was trouble. Like Toombs, Sally had a gift for barriers just as Darren had a gift for ripping shields and barriers to pieces. Shepard realised that they wouldn't be able to get past unless the biotics were dealt with but they couldn't lean out to fire unless they wanted to have their face redecorated with the clip of the sniper.

"Sniper first then I'll deal with the biotics." They looked at her and a small smirk got the better of Zena.

"They'll shit a brick when they see you".

Toombs nudged her again, "I'll go with you. You'll need a shield"

Zena snorted, "what about Darren? Your barrier won't last long enough for you two to get anywhere".

Shepard thought for a moment, they were boxed in. They needed a distraction; she looked up at the shotgun soldier and Jack, the surviving soldiers. "You two" she said "dart round that corner over there. If I remember correctly there is a ledge with a gap, you'll be able to have a clear line of sight of where they are from there. When Zena takes their barrier down, focus fire on the sniper." They nodded and Shepard gave their exit covering fire, distracting the enemy while they snuck off to follow her orders.

Shepard sat down again, waiting. She left a few minutes gap before having Toombs create a barrier for Zena while she ripped theirs down. She succeeded but was 'wounded' in the attempt. Not hesitating Shepard ran out to cover them before the biotics had a chance to recover. The sniper was down and Shepard used the time she had for an advantage, powering herself up she flew at the other team in a biotic charge, momentarily her shields were increased and when she got to the centre she force pushed Darren into the wall, 'killing' him and lifted Sally into the air leaving her an open target for her soldiers who 'finished her off'. The remaining two soldiers fled at top speed, doubling back to regroup with the others of their team.

Shepard turned to deal with her squad. Zena wasn't going anywhere; although she didn't count as 'dead' she was 'downed'. Though she cared for her team, the mission came first. "I'll leave Toulouse with you; the rest will come with me."

So the three of them continued forwards. Shepard was ashamed to have lost two of her team but the mission went on. Jack and Toombs moved by her side. They met another ambush but were ready this time. Toombs held up a shield and Shepard ploughed through them with her throw ability, slamming them into walls and doors, either 'killing' them or 'downing' them. If Shepard's body count was correct there was still one biotic left amongst at least ten or eleven other non biotics.

They had closed in on their objective and Toombs was doing well, force pushing his way through enemy fire ahead of Shepard; 'scouting' he called it.

Out of nowhere a butt of a rifle hit him across the head and took a well aimed shot at Jack, 'killing' him. She cursed as the enemy moved to take a shot at Toombs and darted between them. She raised her kinetic barrier. The shot was barely repelled but it had worked. She took her chance and biotically punched him into the wall. She took Toombs' hand and hauled him to his feet checking his head and was thankful it wasn't too bad. He'd have a headache at worst.

They'd lost their tech specialist, Toombs was second best but he was also a shield, Shepard would have to protect him as best as she could. They continued onwards, slowly but surely. Shepard couldn't afford to lose Toombs too. Toombs keept close to her this time. Finally they reached their goal; a terminal at the back of the main room. Shepard set Toombs to work and prepared for anything.

Shepard called on the communicator in her helmet to check on Zena and the other soldier, there was only static. She cursed silently, either they were being blocked off or they had been 'taken out'. They were on their own.

Shepard stood ready, prepared for an ambush. Ten enemies appeared from all different places, pressing her and Toombs into the back wall. It was crucial that the terminal be hacked, decoded and downloaded. She turned to Toombs who'd raised his pistol at their entrance. "Keep going", she muttered. He looked uncertainly at her, she made eye contact and he lowered his pistol and continued, head down blocking everything else out.

Shepard stepped forward so all guns were pointed at her as she moved. She smiled inwardly as they all pressed closer to her, now ignoring what her companion was doing. Toombs looked up through his mess of blonde hair, unsure of what she was waiting for.

"Now this I can do" she said quietly. She powered up her biotics within a second and as the soldiers decided she wasn't worth the risk they started to fire. Shepard slammed her fist into the floor sending a shockwave outwards, firing all enemies into the walls with immense force. She looked back at Toombs who nodded, he'd finished.

He was about to move around the desk to get to Shepard when a more careful enemy dropped down from an open grate above. Shepard held her pistol up but Toombs was being used as a shield. She recognised the last of the biotic opposition; Ray, not particularly powerful but worthy of note.

Shepard moved slowly to the left, circling the assassin. As they almost made a one eighty turn Shepard took her chance and shot the canister set into the wall behind them. Gas spilled then exploded. It was enough of a blast to give Toombs a chance to twist his attacker's arm so hard he let go.

Shepard took her chance to dual with him. Toombs was behind her, for lack of a better word, hiding. Ray recovered and threw the desk at Shepard who repelled it with Throw. He tried to hold her in stasis but she Reaved her way through it. She waited for him to attack again and this time he managed to hit her over the head with a piece of the broken desk behind her. She dropped to her hands and knees leaving Toombs open for attack, her shields had not restored yet.

She was in trouble.

He went to shoot Toombs when Shepard stood taking the clip in the gut but releasing a heavy biotic pulse propelling Ray into the wall. Shepard held her stomach and made Toombs run.

She followed him.

The rest of the test proved easy as they doubled back until they gained the advantage and successfully left the 'war zone'. They placed the 'data' on the examiners desk beside the computer screens from which they'd been watching their recruits' progress. The rest of the team had also passed but had been taken out unexpectedly to see how the remaining two could deal with the pressure. They would receive their results the following day.

As the two of them saluted and made their way back to the dorms, Shepard shuddered. "I think I screwed up" she said.

Toombs looked surprised. "I didn't see anything go wrong."

"My Nova," she snapped at him, now petrified that she'd ruined her chances. "I put you in danger by bringing my barriers down just to take out those guys." She still held her stomach; even with false ammo it would definitely leave a welt where it struck her. She smiled at him. "Never thought I'd take a bullet for you though". He laughed, "Smug bastard" she threw at him laughing as well.

He shook his head, getting back to the original subject, "Anyway, you did fine, best biotic blast I've seen in a long time."

She raised her eyebrows. "Oh? You've seen one better?"

He nudged her arm and did that strange little eyebrow wiggle that made her squirm. "You haven't seen me in bed Shepard."

"You ever going to make good on all this flirting?" she playfully slapped his ass when she was sure no one would see.

After a surprised yelp he laughed. "Maybe, your choice though". She pulled him to a stop in a busy corridor filled with other recruits. The majority of them were not biotic.

"Huh, that's a switch" she smiled teasingly. He looked confused. "Usually it takes only tits and two legs, since when have we women had a choice?" his eyes momentarily locked on another recruit's ass as she passed, oblivious of his mental undressing. Shepard slapped him round the head and he realised he'd been caught. "See?" she said.

"What? I can't admire beauty anymore?" he tried to sound innocent which made Shepard laugh. If it hadn't been for her friendship with Toombs she never would have opened up to anyone. As an unexpected result she had gained more control over herself. Her powers no longer controlled her as they once had. Even bouts of extreme emotion, though now rare in her, didn't cause an overload in her mental capacity to control herself.

Zena appeared moments later. "Hey, there you are" she panted. "Just wanted to know if you were coming to the biotic class ball tomorrow?"

"The what?" Shepard said, turning to face her.

Her hand motions got more frantic as they always did when she was overexcited. "Well ok it's not just for biotics but all the new recruits, eligible or otherwise. You coming?"

"You aren't serious I hope" she said raising an eyebrow.

"Aww come on Shepard, it'll be fun" Zena pleaded, tugging at her arm.

"Maybe for you, I thought we were joining the military not dance academy." Shepard retorted.

Zena started to get impatient. "Don't be so uptight, the Admirals of the second, fifth and third fleets put this together for everyone. Its annual or so I've been told. It's apparently a way for the new recruits to meet the current ones, so to speak and even meet those who want to join."

"Come on Shepard. It's just a bit of fun" Toombs added.

Shepard jabbed a finger at him. "Don't you start!"

"Please Shepard; I'll give you your birthday present early if you come...please." Zena continued to tug on her arm like a little girl.

"So we're bribing now are we?" Shepard crossed her arms, determined not to budge. She carried on walking. The two of them raced after her. "Look guys I'm not..."

When she turned around it was so sudden Toombs nearly crashed into her. The increased proximity was too sudden to be comfortable. "Fine I'll give you your present, it was meant to be for the ball anyway."

"What?"

Zena smiled naughtily. "Yeah, I'll leave it on your bed. Just think about it, please?" she then gave her one last smile before moving off to see her other friends. Zena had better social skills than Shepard and could often be found in company of several different groups. Toombs stood beside her in awkward silence.

"Well, I better go see what all the fuss is about".

"Zena...so help me I will biotically beat you to death with your own bedpost" Shepard muttered when she opened the box on her bed. Inside was a flowing dress made of silk, violet in colour; Zena always did have an obsession with Shepard's unusual eye colour. It was simple yet elegant but knowing Zena it must have cost a lot which is what annoyed Shepard the most. Not only that, there was a masquerade mask with it, a note was attached to it.

It read:

_You'll need this, it's a masquerade theme and don't worry about dancing, not many of us know how to dance traditionally anyway, just come and have some fun._

_Zena_

The mask was in the shape of a songbird, it was patterned with black, indigo and white swirls on the feathers. It was only a half mask so would cover only the top half of her face. Shepard sighed, she'd have to tie her hair in a different fashion, maybe curl it or something. She was not going to have anyone know who she was. She'd try to keep a low profile; Shepard looked at the note and squirmed. At least she would try and enjoy herself.

The night came and Shepard was ready though she still felt uncomfortable. She'd never had reason to wear a dress before, or even pretty herself up for anyone. It was all unnatural to her. Then Zena appeared beside her bed to lead her away to the ball. "You look just as beautiful as I knew you would."

"You shouldn't have gone to all the trouble of the dress and mask, Zena" she said but Zena waved her concerns away and adjusted her own golden bird mask.

"I have yet another surprise for you, one you can't turn down". She felt her friend stiffen, whether with anger or fear, she couldn't tell. The ball was being held in the officers' lounge, which was huge. There were tables and chairs around the edges of the room, leaving the centre of the floor open.

They stopped by the large group of people gathering by the door to be let in. "Forgot to tell you, you need to be paired up to get in."

"Oh well...wait, shit, you thought of that too didn't you?" Zena grinned, her light blue eyes flashing with excitement. "God damn it!"

There came a nudge from behind her, "ladies don't cuss". Toombs was all suited in a new age tux; he gave them both an extravagant bow. His mask was a close approximation of a black panther.

Shepard managed to restrain the urge to hit him. "If you hadn't noticed, I'm not the epitome of lady-like grace."

"Doesn't hurt to pretend" he sniggered. Shepard sighed. At least she could spend the night with him as her partner. It would be reasonably enjoyable.

It was then that Zena waved someone else over. "Here's your partner now."

Shepard froze, staring at her. "Come again?" The young man walked over to them and gave a short but gentlemanly bow. "As I said before, no names. Just enjoy yourself."

"Why no names?" Shepard pulled her aside to whisper to her. She had definitely not told her anything about this.

She shushed Shepard. "Tradition...mystery adds...erm...lure or something like that. Now go on" she finished giving Shepard a short shove in the direction of her partner. He was dressed much the same way as Toombs but he was built differently. Definitely a soldier in the making, Toombs was a tiny bit skinny for a soldier but that would change after enough training no doubt.

Her partner had a wolf mask coloured bronze and black. As he took her hand in his she felt a little startled at the intimate touch. When she looked up at him, met him eye to eye she wasn't sure what to say. His eyes were bronze, and hid much of his expression that wasn't already covered by his mask. "Shall we?" he said, his voice a purr. Shepard hesitated before nodding and hooking her arm round his.

She tried to take in every aspect of him, every detail. His tightly curled black hair seemed to clash with her flowing red locks; then she wondered at herself.

Why should she care if it clashed?

They walked in silence, neither knowing what to say to the other. Shepard evaluated that he was around the same age as her, so she began light conversation to lift the awkward silence.

"Are you a recruit?" he looked at her, his expression unreadable.

"No not yet, I plan to enlist though" he said, his voice gentle. He looked uncomfortable in such a large crowd as they made their way through the door. Shepard relaxed a little. He was just as uncomfortable as she was, parties weren't her thing. It was then she wondered at his reason for coming. "What about you?" he said leading her subtly away from the increasing amount of people.

She shrugged, "around six months ago I enlisted. Just finished my entrance program"

His eyes lit up for a moment. "You're a biotic then?" she hesitated then nodded.

"How'd you know?"

A small smile crossed his lips. "Biotics need to learn a little more than normal soldiers and marines. I'm told its hard going but from what I've heard, no one's failed yet." They ended up sitting at a table in the corner of the room away from the growing noise at the entrance. Something must have shown on Shepard's face given what he asked next, "you don't seem to enjoy the large crowds, do you?"

Shepard gave an uncomfortable laugh, "not really" then she quickly looked at him. "It's nothing to do with you it's just I was kind of, bribed to be here. Parties aren't my thing". She looked over at him and saw him quickly wipe a look of mild interest from his expression. "I've noticed the same with you," she said wanting to keep conversation flowing as much as possible. The silence between them would be unbearable.

He shrugged, "my Dad thought it would be a good idea to mingle. But yeah" he said looking at her, pinning her with his gaze. "It's not my thing really." He gave her one last small smile then turned his attention to the couple approaching them, Toombs and Zena.

Yep, Shepard thought, definitely going to kill them. Both of them had obviously set this up.

The night was uneventful from then on, Shepard and her partner rarely spoke and when they did it wasn't in front of anyone. Zena wasn't happy about it but she didn't say anything. Shepard didn't get up and dance even though she was hard pressed to by Zena. "I can't" she'd said.

They'd left her alone after they'd felt her irritation growing to unwanted heights. At the end of the night her mysterious partner wished her good evening before turning and leaving. Toombs and Zena watched her closely, noting the interest and longing on her face. It was not what they suspected but it didn't matter, neither said anything.

When Shepard watched him walk away she suddenly felt very alone. Again she felt the longing to bond with someone, to have someone's arms to return to. She shook her head then, she was being pathetic. She didn't need anyone.

A few days later Shepard was walking down the corridor, Toombs caught up with her. "What am I going to do with you?" she said as he smiled naughtily at her. He'd been bugging her about letting loose for once ever since the ball. He pulled her into a short shoulder hug as they walked.

"You can start by coming to the Leaver's Trip; everyone's going to the Dark Star."

Shepard stared at him, her violet eyes burning into his brown ones. "The Citadel?" he nodded. "Wow, I've never been before."

"Neither have I, Shepard. It's an experience we can share". She leant her head on his shoulder. As long as he was there, she was sure she'd be alright. The idea of going to the Citadel was a lot more appealing than a ball anyway.

Their results came through and after the short ceremony all the new Privates were ready to leave for the Citadel. Though Shepard was more open and gradually making progress on a social level she was still unsure about such a loud place. With Toombs' help and encouragement she eventually agreed to go with the rest of them. Zena was going home to her family on one of the closer human colonies instead. She was lucky she had such a rich family.

It was on the shuttle to the Dark Star that Shepard finally realised she'd found someone to bond with again. Toombs was easy going by nature but when duty called he was a hardened soldier, relentless.

Shepard hesitated, the last to get out of the shuttle. She wore casual wear, soft dark jeans and a black low cut top. At least it was an improvement on her ball gown.

She rearranged her hair for the third time when Toombs took her hand and gave a short tug. She stumbled into his arms. "Loosen up a bit Shepard" his eyes shone, excited. "Relax and live a little" he steered her into the main room, then stopped and waited. Shepard was one of the best leaders when she wanted to be, but the noise and the bodies in the club made her feel so small and helpless.

Battlefield was one thing but this? She had no idea what to do, how to act. Most of the Privates had shot over to the bar, to dance or to drink. Asari were dancing and flaunting their bodies on the dance floor, not strippers just very sensual dancers. They had the effect of making one feel inadequate in comparison. Shepard hadn't noticed that Toombs was watching her until she turned and stared at him. "Come on Shepard, just one dance, just to get you going". At the offer she almost propelled herself away from him, but he was faster. He forcefully grabbed her round the waist and hoisted her up until she couldn't touch the floor.

Then he dumped her on the dance floor in the far corner of the bar and began to dance along with some other Privates as well as a couple of asari and a turian. Shepard stood still for a moment, unsure. The music seeped in through her skin and made her whole body begin to move in odd ways. Her biotics were held in check so she was pretty sure she was still in control but why was her body moving like this? With the look Toombs was giving her she was sure something was going wrong.

She flushed when he pulled her off the dance floor. "Not such a good idea then" he muttered under the pounding techno beat. This time he pushed her over to the bar where two recruits were already drunk and making out against the far wall. Toombs noticed Shepard relax slightly. "Drink is something I can do" she grinned and ordered the strongest they had. It was a little blurry how she had learned to drink so much. Either way she had no qualms about drinking anyone under the table.

Toombs ordered what she had and nearly had it explode out of his nose. Shepard laughed, at ease now. "I could out drink you until you drowned Toombs" she took another shot. Toombs was determined, though not stupid.

Around an hour later Shepard was still standing, and relatively sane though far more relaxed than before. Toombs was accusing the floor of not standing still and had crashed into a few people until Shepard steadied him. It was her turn to push him onto the dance floor. With the amount of alcohol in her system Shepard's restraint loosened and biotic fire crackled over her skin as she moved, her movements far more elegant than before though what she was doing could not be considered dancing.

The shuttle ride back was a blur as both Shepard and Toombs could only recall so much when they landed in the cargo bay of one of the larger frigates. The new Privates were sent to their quarters before they could make any more trouble. Most had gone without a fuss but a few still lingered in the hallways. Shepard led Toombs to her own quarters as the rest had been filled with the drunken Privates. She was grateful that the last room was empty.

As soon as the door closed behind them Toombs swung Shepard round and pressed his lips to hers. Under her tiredness and semi-drunk state Shepard still managed to keep control of her biotics even as all the emotion flowed from her into her kiss. She tasted his lips as she moved away. He grabbed her and lifted her up so she was clinging to him by the waist. He kissed her throat as he moved towards one of the beds.

Not ideal for their specific activity but who cared at this point?

The morning after, Toombs thought a krogan had stamped on his head. Shepard however looked like she'd been hit by a ship at FTL when she'd rolled off the bed out from the warmth of his arms. According to rumours floating around, just before it had been time to leave, Shepard had finished dancing and challenged anyone who would listen to a drinking match.

The amount she had downed would have floored a turian platoon. Most of her challengers had passed out before she'd hit her stride. It showed that morning though. Her hair looked as if she'd been manhandled and stuffed into a box. Though she didn't vomit any of her stomach contents she looked terrible for at least two days afterwards. Neither she nor Toombs spoke of the incident in the bedroom for fear that it could destroy their friendship. They loved each other but not like that.

Their career continued likewise; battling pirates, slavers and taking some R&amp;R whenever they were on shore leave. Eventually after four years of hard work and excellent commanding skills on the field Shepard moved up the ranks and was eventually promoted to Staff Commander. A year later she would be widely known by that title but for a very different reason.


End file.
